Compassionate insights for parents navigating profound grief
The loss of a child is an experience that fractures time—there is the life before and then the life after. Whether sudden or expected, the grief that follows is an unrelenting tide, unpredictable in its ebb and flow. There is no roadmap, no timeline, no simple way through. Yet, within the sorrow, there exists the possibility of finding meaning, honouring the love that remains, and learning to navigate life in a way that acknowledges both the pain and the resilience of the human spirit.
The Emotional Landscape of Parental Grief
Losing a child disrupts not just the present but the imagined future. The mind cycles through questions without answers—what if, why, how could this happen? These thoughts often give rise to guilt, even when it is unwarranted. Parents may feel a deep sense of powerlessness, as though they failed in their fundamental role to protect their child. It is crucial to recognise that these intense feelings are part of loss's natural psychological processing.
Grief manifests in waves. At times, it may feel all-consuming, while in other moments, numbness takes over. Unexpected triggers—a familiar scent, a particular time of day—can reignite raw pain. The emotional response is not linear; one day may bring clarity, and the next, an overwhelming sense of despair. Psychological research highlights that these oscillations are normal and do not indicate a failure to cope but rather an adaptive response to profound loss.
The Unpredictable Nature of Healing
Healing is not about “moving on.” Rather, it involves integrating grief into one’s life in a way that allows for continued existence without diminishing the love for the child lost. Research suggests that while intense grief remains, the ability to function gradually improves over time. Grief does not follow a strict timeline but is shaped by individual resilience, social support, and meaning-making practices.
Ways to navigate this journey include:
Giving Grief a Voice: Speaking, writing, or creative expression can help process emotions that feel otherwise unspeakable.
Honouring the Bond: Rituals, traditions, or acts of service in a child’s name can provide a tangible way to keep their presence alive.
Navigating Social Interactions: Friends and family may unintentionally say the wrong things. Setting boundaries and communicating needs can help manage these interactions.
Seeking Support: Therapy, support groups, and community connections provide spaces for acknowledging grief without expectation or judgment.
The Impact of the Loss of a Child on Relationships
Loss affects not just the individual but also family dynamics. Partners often grieve in different ways—one may seek to talk while the other withdraws. Recognising these differences and allowing space for both forms of grieving can prevent further pain. Studies indicate that even when difficult, open communication fosters connection and emotional regulation within relationships.
Siblings of the lost child also experience grief, though it may manifest differently. Some may exhibit regressive behaviours, while others may become hyper-independent. Parents, consumed by their own sorrow, may struggle to provide the emotional support their surviving children need. Creating an environment where their grief is validated is essential for their emotional well-being.
Extended family, particularly grandparents, bear a layered grief—mourning both their grandchild and witnessing their child suffer. This unique position often leads to feelings of helplessness. Encouraging shared remembrance and open conversation can help bridge the emotional divide.
The Role of Grief Therapy
Grief therapy does not seek to eliminate sorrow but to help individuals develop coping mechanisms that allow for functional living. Studies on bereavement counselling show that structured support can help mitigate the risk of prolonged grief disorder, which is characterised by persistent, debilitating grief that interferes with daily life.
Therapy can be especially beneficial in helping individuals reframe their grief—not as something to “overcome” but as a lasting connection to the child they lost, reducing the intensity of emotional pain while maintaining a meaningful bond with the deceased.
For many, therapy provides a space where their child’s name can be spoken freely, where memories can be honoured without discomfort, and where the full spectrum of grief can be explored without fear of judgment.
Recognising When Help is Needed
Grief is painful but should not consume all aspects of life indefinitely. When grief becomes paralysing—when routine activities feel impossible, when thoughts of guilt or self-blame are overwhelming, or when despair turns into hopelessness—it may indicate the need for professional intervention. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a recognition of the profound weight of loss and the human need for support in processing it.
A Gentle Reminder
There is no correct way to grieve. Healing does not mean forgetting; it means learning how to coexist with loss while allowing room for moments of joy, however small. Love and sorrow are not opposites but intertwined threads of the same experience. Resilience does not mean moving past grief but carrying it in a way that allows life to continue with meaning and purpose.
If grief feels unbearable, reaching out for support can be a vital step forward. You are not meant to endure this alone.
If you or someone you know is struggling with self-harm or suicidal ideation, please seek professional help. For crisis and immediate assistance in Singapore, you may send a text chat to Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) at 9151 1767 or call the IMH helpline at 6389 2222. Help is available, and you are not alone.
Restoring Peace is a private mental health centre which provides counselling and psychotherapy services for children, adolescents, youths, adult individuals, couples and groups with anxiety, depression, trauma, grief and various mental health and relationship challenges. For more information, please visit www.restoringpeace.com.sg or WhatsApp at +65 8889 1848. For periodic updates, we invite you to join our telegram group: https://t.me/restoringpeace.
Additional Read:
Sources: Center for Loss and Life Transition. (2023, December). Helping heal after a child dies. Retrieved from https://www.centerforloss.com/2023/12/helping-heal-child-dies/
Community Befrienders Support Singapore. (n.d.). Understand what is happening. Retrieved from
The Compassionate Friends. (n.d.). Grief resources for bereaved parents. Retrieved from https://www.compassionatefriends.org/grief/
Verywell Health. (2022). Grieving the loss of a child: Coping and support strategies. Retrieved from https://www.verywellhealth.com/grieving-loss-of-child-5220740
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