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Self-blame As A Trauma Response

Updated: May 27

In the intricate landscape of trauma responses, self-blame stands out as a particularly insidious mechanism. It's a phenomenon that often lurks beneath the surface, affecting individuals in ways they might not even realise. Whether from childhood experiences, family dynamics, or societal pressures, self-blame can become deeply entrenched, shaping perceptions of oneself and others.

Self-blame is holding oneself responsible for adverse events or circumstances beyond the individual's locus of control. It's a common coping mechanism, particularly for those who have experienced trauma. Because of the sense of guilt, individuals internalise these feelings and blame themselves for what happened. The tendency to self-blame is especially pronounced in the family dynamic, where there are intergenerational patterns of blame and shame or when the individual frequently experiences shaming during childhood.

A poignant aspect of self-blame is its close association with shame. Shame often manifests as self-blame, leading individuals to perceive themselves as inherently flawed or unworthy. This intertwining of shame and self-blame creates a vicious cycle, reinforcing negative beliefs and behaviours. Whether it's the result of emotional neglect, abuse, or dysfunctional family dynamics, the seeds of shame can take root and flourish, permeating every aspect of one's life.

Therapeutic approaches aim to address and reshape these self-blaming thoughts as well as help individuals process and integrate their traumatic memories so that they no longer manifest in the form of self-blame and shame. Through therapy, individuals can learn to recognise the external factors that contributed to their trauma and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Intervention includes

  • addressing and processing adverse experiences that triggered the self-blame,

  • gradually building self-compassion and

  • understanding that responsibility does not solely lie within oneself.

Self-blame can isolate individuals, making it difficult to reach out for help. Recognising this pattern is the first step towards healing. Support from therapists, loved ones, and support groups can provide the necessary guidance to move beyond self-blame. The journey towards recovery involves embracing vulnerability, understanding the roots of self-blame, and learning to forgive oneself.

Restoring Peace is a private mental health centre which provides counselling and psychotherapy services for children, adolescents, youths and adult individuals, couples and groups with anxiety, depression, trauma, grief and various mental health and relationship challenges. For more information, please visit or WhatsApp at +65 8889 1848. For periodic updates, we invite you to join our telegram group, 


Self-blame, shame, trauma response, therapy, compassion, family, coping mechanisms 


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