Identity Series: When Work Becomes Your Identity and Your Crisis

Career crises often mask deeper questions about identity, agency and belonging. Therapy supports the slow, necessary work of reclaiming the self.

Work is not just what we do. It is often how we are seen, and more quietly, how we come to see ourselves. It shapes our routines, relationships, and sense of purpose. In cities like Singapore, where careers are closely tied to status and stability, the role can easily begin to replace the person. For many, the job title becomes a shorthand for identity. When that role is shaken, lost, or outgrown, what follows is not only professional uncertainty but also a personal reckoning.

A Culture Built on Achievement

Many of us were raised in systems that measured success through grades, job security and salary brackets. When careers falter, shift unexpectedly or fail to satisfy, we are often left feeling unmoored. For some, the job becomes a source of grounding. For others, it becomes a weight they can no longer carry.

This merging of identity and career can look like:

• Feeling anxious at the thought of taking a career break

• Experiencing shame about being “just” a homemaker or between jobs

• Losing direction after a promotion, demotion or redundancy

• Avoiding conversations about work unless there is something impressive to report

• Minimising hobbies or passions that do not bring in income

  
  

These signs are not always dramatic. In many cases, the discomfort starts quietly. It may begin in university or during the first internship. In Singapore, where efficiency is highly valued and exhaustion is rarely questioned, careers often assume the weight of personal identity. They do not simply support a lifestyle. They define the self.

When Worth Becomes Conditional

Clients who come into therapy for work-related struggles often speak of an invisible discomfort. They may say things like, “Everyone thinks I’m doing well, but I feel empty,” or “I don’t know who I am without this job.”

Choice Theory offers a way to understand this inner tension. It suggests that all of us are motivated by five basic needs: survival, love and belonging, power or achievement, freedom, and fun (Glasser, 1998). When one of these needs, often an achievement, takes up too much space in our lives, the others begin to recede into the background. Over time, this imbalance creates a version of success that looks stable but feels hollow.

In therapy, clients are encouraged to consider whether their work is meeting genuine needs or simply fulfilling internalised expectations. This reflection can feel uncomfortable at first. It asks them to examine not just what they are doing, but why.

What Lies Beneath the Surface

Psychodynamic therapy adds another layer to this exploration. It shifts the focus from the present moment to earlier formative experiences that may be shaping how clients relate to their work today.

Some discover that their drive to achieve is closely tied to childhood dynamics. For instance, they may have learned to gain approval by being competent and self-reliant. They may have equated being loved with being useful. These early beliefs can lead to a professional life that feels more like a performance than an authentic expression of self.

Rather than pathologising ambition, therapy offers a space to understand its origins. This allows clients to choose their path more consciously, instead of repeating patterns that were never truly theirs to begin with.

When Words Are Not Enough

For some, talking about work feels familiar. They are fluent in goals, timelines and deliverables. But when asked to name their emotional experience, the words are harder to find. The language of feeling has been replaced by the language of function.

Expressive Arts Therapy can offer an alternate entry point. Clients might use drawing, movement, collage or writing to connect with parts of themselves that are not easily accessed through talk. These expressions often reveal themes that words alone cannot reach.

One client might create an image that shows a polished, high-performing exterior alongside a neglected and tired inner self. Another might write a letter to a younger version of themselves who once dreamed of something different. These creative acts are not about aesthetics. They are about discovery.

Reclaiming Your Self Beyond Work Identity

Detaching from a work-based identity is rarely a linear process. Often, it begins with confusion or a sense of restlessness. Over time, it may unfold into something that feels more like grief. What’s being mourned is not just the role or routine, but the version of the self that felt secure in knowing who they were through what they did.

In therapy, this in-between space is held with care. Clients are not rushed to reinvent themselves. Instead, they are invited to notice what remains when the striving slows down. For some, this looks like rediscovering activities that once brought joy. For others, it involves confronting fears of irrelevance or invisibility.

What gradually emerges is not a new career plan, but a broader and more flexible sense of identity. Some stay in their current roles but relate to their work differently. Others explore new directions. Across both, there is often a quieter confidence that who they are is not limited to what they produce.

The goal is not to sever identity from work. It aims to create space for identity that includes more than just work. You are not a brand. You are a person. And you matter, even in stillness.

*Note on therapy approaches

 The models and modalities mentioned in this article are evidence-informed approaches used by trained professionals. There is no single "best" method, as each individual/couple’s needs, goals, and relational dynamics are unique. Your therapist may, at their professional discretion, draw from one or more approaches that are most appropriate and helpful for your situation. If you are seeking support, a conversation with your therapist can help clarify which direction might be most beneficial.

 Restoring Peace is a private mental health centre offering counselling and psychotherapy for individuals, couples, families and groups facing challenges such as trauma, anxiety, depression, grief, and relational issues. Learn more at www.restoringpeace.com.sg or WhatsApp us at +65 8889 1848. For updates and resources, join our Telegram group: https://t.me/restoringpeace

References: 

Clark, D. (2019, December 9). What happens when your career becomes your whole identity. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2019/12/what-happens-when-your-career-becomes-your-whole-identity

Franco, F., PhD. (2023, March 20). Career accomplishments don’t always translate to life satisfaction. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/trauma-resilience-and-recovery/202303/untangling-your-sense-of-self-from-your-professional

Raypole, C. (2022, May 18). How to figure out who you are outside of work. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-figure-out-who-you-are-outside-of-work

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