Redefining Strength: This International Men’s Day, let’s normalise conversations around men’s mental health. A new generation is showing that true strength lies in resilience, openness, and the courage to seek support.
For many Singaporean men, the rule is unspoken but understood: stay strong, stay
quiet and carry your weight. It’s a message passed down from fathers and
grandfathers, embedded in cultural values that celebrate endurance and emotional
restraint. But as the world changes, so does the notion of strength. Today, the cost of
this stoic legacy is surfacing in ways that impact mental health, relationships, and the
ability to truly connect.
The Quiet Cost of “Strength”
It starts early. Singaporean boys grow up in a society where control and composure
are prized, where showing vulnerability can feel like a sign of failure. They learn to
protect the family image, meet expectations, and keep struggles private. Seeking
help—or worse, admitting weakness—can feel like a betrayal of their cultural
inheritance. It’s no surprise, then, that only 40% of Singaporeans with mental health
issues seek help, with men forming a large share of those who suffer in silence.
But silence doesn’t solve things; it only displaces them. Suppressed emotions have a
way of sneaking back into daily life disguised as stress, sleepless nights, and
burnout. Many men withdraw emotionally from their families and friends, distancing
themselves in the name of “strength” until isolation becomes routine. What starts as
a desire to appear strong slowly morphs into a cycle of loneliness and
disconnection—one that’s difficult to break alone.
A New Vocabulary: Resilience for a New Generation
This silence, though, is starting to fracture. Younger men in Singapore are growing
up in a world where mental health is part of the conversation, where words like
“anxiety,” “stress,” and “burnout” are as common as “tough it out” once was. For
them, vulnerability isn’t a weakness but a form of resilience. But this shift is
complicated. Many fathers and grandfathers still hold to the old values, viewing
emotional struggles as hurdles to “get over” and private matters best left unspoken.
This isn’t just a clash of perspectives; it’s a clash of languages. Younger men are
equipped with words to describe their feelings, a vocabulary to say, “I’m struggling”
or “I need support.” But try saying that to an older family member, and the message
can land somewhere between confusing and discomforting. Bridging this
generational gap means more than finding common words; it means redefining what
strength can look like in an Asian context.
The Cost of Suppression: Silent Struggles and the Toll of Isolation
For many men, there’s a tipping point—an invisible line where meeting expectations
becomes unsustainable. In Japan, the hikikomori phenomenon—where young men
withdraw entirely from society—illustrates the extremes some will go to when silence
becomes too heavy. While less common in Singapore, the trend of social isolation is
rising, with many young men choosing quiet detachment when they feel they don’t
measure up. And in cases where isolation goes unchecked, the results can be
devastating, contributing to higher suicide rates among men who feel they have
nowhere else to turn.
Even for those who don’t fully retreat, the pressure to maintain appearances is
powerful. Instead of sharing their struggles, many men choose to “push through,”
keeping up a front that belies the stress beneath. This quiet endurance, however,
leaves its mark, surfacing as physical symptoms like high blood pressure, chronic
headaches, or digestive issues. In the end, the silence they’ve clung to as a shield
becomes the very thing that isolates them—even in the presence of loved ones.
Outliers and Role Models: Expanding What It Means to Be “Strong”
Not everyone follows this script. There are men who’ve stepped outside the
traditional bounds, redefining what it means to be strong. Stay-at-home dads, for
instance, challenge the breadwinner role, embracing caregiving and showing that
nurturing is as valuable as providing. LGBTQ+ men, meanwhile, navigate their own
paths, balancing societal pressures with self-acceptance in a society that’s not
always supportive. These men may be outliers, but they’re also pioneers, showing a
new way forward for masculinity that values fluidity and authenticity.
Their stories act as a counter-narrative to the stoic ideal, offering alternatives for men
to express themselves and redefine strength. They prove that strength can be
multifaceted and that seeking help isn’t a flaw in resilience but an investment in it.
They’re living proof that masculinity is not one-size-fits-all—and that sometimes,
strength means choosing to ask for support.
Reframing Vulnerability: The Courage to Seek Help
If there’s one barrier to seeking support that remains formidable, it’s the stigma
around vulnerability. For many men, admitting to struggles feels like a direct
challenge to their masculinity. However, research tells a different story: seeking help
early can build resilience and prevent burnout and chronic stress. Reframing
vulnerability as a part of strength gives men a new way to see reaching out—not as
a flaw but as an act of courage.
Mental health resources in Singapore are becoming more accessible, offering safe,
non-judgmental spaces for men to unpack their challenges. Taking small steps, like
confiding in a friend or joining a support group, can be the beginning of a healthier
relationship with themselves. Building an emotional vocabulary—even starting with
words like “stressed” or “overwhelmed”—allows men to articulate their needs and
make seeking support a natural, empowering choice.
A Healthier Legacy for the Next Generation
As Singaporean men redefine strength, they’re not just helping themselves—they’re
shaping a legacy. Fathers who model emotional openness create a new template for
their sons, showing that true strength includes acknowledging stress, accepting
support, and prioritizing well-being. For the next generation, this shift could mark the
end of the culture of silence, replacing it with an inclusive model of masculinity.
At a time when Singaporean men face the complexities of modern life, the courage
to ask for help and to reshape masculinity on their own terms can transform their
mental health, relationships, and sense of self. True strength is not about bearing the
burden alone; it’s about building a community where men can connect, share, and
support each other. The journey isn’t easy, but as more men take that first step, the
notion of “strong but silent” can evolve into something more resilient and more
human—an expansive form of strength rooted in honesty, connection, and growth.
Restoring Peace is a private mental health centre which provides counselling and psychotherapy services for children, adolescents, youths, adult individuals, couples and groups with anxiety, depression, trauma, grief and various mental health and relationship challenges. For more information, please visit www.restoringpeace.com.sg or WhatsApp at
+65 8889 1848. For periodic updates, we invite you to join our telegram group: https://t.me/restoringpeace.
Sources:
Institute of Mental Health (IMH), Singapore – Study on Mental Health Literacy and Help-Seeking
Behavior
Channel News Asia – Article: “Men in Singapore Facing Identity Crisis Over Traditional Gender Roles”
Rice Media – Article: “The Masculine Urge to Reject Help: Men and Mental Health Stigma in
Singapore”
Verywell Mind – Article: “Exploring the Stigma of Men and Mental Health”
Keywords: masculinity, mental health, Singapore, stigma, emotional resilience, Asian men, isolation,
therapy, vulnerability, strength, family expectations, societal pressure, mental well-being, self-worth,
suicide prevention, counselling, mental health support, stoicism, generational gap, help-seeking
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